These days, it’s hard to tell who is telling the truth and who isn’t. According to an article published by Woman’s Day, 80% of online daters lie about their height, weight or age. Dating websites such as Match and OK Cupid make it easy for someone to hide important information, be dishonest about their appearance, and even assume another identity.
Before I became a Retired Lesbian, I felt like I needed to be a detective when I dated a woman… sort of like the ones from the television show, The First 48. If a lady told me she worked in Downtown Los Angeles yet NEVER seemed to actually be at work, I started to investigate:
Or, if a woman was only able to hang out on the weekends and never late at night, I would think the worst:
Let me make something clear–I never actually investigated a woman, or hired someone to do that. What I mean by “investigating the person you’re dating” is simply doing a healthy amount of homework, and asking important questions. For example, I believe it’s useful to Google the person you’re dating. I also think it’s smart to run their name in your state’s criminal record database.
Did my friends think I was being too cautious when I was dating? Of course. The funny thing is, most of the time I was right about my suspicions. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then you’re probably dealing with a damn duck. Single people have many good reasons to investigate the person they’re dating, such as:
1. Catfishing is Common
Do you remember this guy?
Before Nev Schulman hosted the hit reality show, Catfish, he fell in love with a woman on Facebook when he was 28 years old. She had a gorgeous profile photo, and even spoke with him over the phone. He later found out that she was a middle-aged mother and wife. Nev often tells single people that typical red flags include someone who never wants to speak via web cam, or when they refuse to meet in person.
2. Make Sure You’re Dealing with an Honest Person
claims 60% of people lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation. So, it’s actually realistic to assume that you will be told a lie during a date, or a few lies.
Does everyone lie? No, and it’s important to make sure you’re not assuming someone is telling a lie. Just make sure to stay open-minded, and always be a good listener so that you can pinpoint red flags when they are in front of your face.
3. Time is Valuable
4. STDs/STIs Aren’t Going Away
It’s no surprise that sexually transmitted diseases are a major health risk for people who have sex. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
estimate almost 20 million new STIs every year. Additionally, one in two sexually active individuals will contract a STD/STI by the age of 25.
5. Your Heart is on the Line
When you get your heart broken, it’s never a fun experience. Protect your heart by making people earn your trust over time. Ask appropriate questions, and listen to your intuition if something doesn’t feel right. But, remember: Investigating doesn’t mean stalking.
… you can bring out the crazy when y’all are in a relationship.
-The Retired Lesbian