I spend a concerning amount of time each week asking my friends and family members this question. Every time I ask, they all have the same optimism and belief that I will get a text back because that’s how decent human beings behave.
Those days are gone, and it’s time for all of us to accept it. Out of 10 women I text that I match with on dating apps, I’m lucky if 3 respond to me. Then, of those remaining ladies, we typically exchange a few messages before I hear crickets. I either look desperate by following up my text with another one, or let it go and fade into the distance. If I’m feeling very lonely, which happens frequently, I usually send a “Hey, did you get my last message?” text knowing the likelihood of a response is around 2%.
Getting a text back from a woman seems like a harder challenge than asking Donald Trump to stay off Twitter for an hour. I know, you’re probably reading this and wondering, “Lauren, it’s not THAT hard to get a text back. Maybe you’re choosing the wrong women.” Naw, homie. I’ve been on dating apps for YEARS, and the outcome is the same: silence when shit gets real.
When I text with someone from a dating app and act noncommittal, rarely asking personal questions or seeming overly interested, it’s a breeze. Our conversation flows and I start feeling hope again. Maybe she is emotionally available. But there’s always a shift after I ask a few pointed questions:
Are you single?
Are you married?
Have you ever been with a woman?
Would you like to meet?
For me, these are important to ask so I can determine if we’re compatible right off the bat. Surprisingly, I’ve experienced quite a few text conversations coming to a halt after asking the first question. Just because you’re on a dating app doesn’t mean the person is single, even if there’s nothing to indicate otherwise in their profile. I’ve chatted with women who wait a while to tell me about their non-monogamous relationship. I’m not judging the choice, but since it’s important for me to find someone who believes in monogamy, I always kick-off a convo with that question.
Once I get past the other two questions and land on the topic of meeting, that’s where the most drop-off happens. I don’t get a text back, there’s some sort of excuse, or the response doesn’t have a clear action item. Here are a few recent responses:
Yes definitely down to hang, we should get snacks! I’m totally jammed this week so end of next week sometime.
I’ll come to you this weekend as soon as my mechanic okays my new car.
Yes! I’m down to meet sometimes I forget to check this app. I actually don’t usually know my schedule until a few days before the week starts so it’s hard for me to be specific planning further out. I’m off Wednesday and Thursday this week!
Let’s definitely hang this week.
I’m pretty open. This is my last week in town so I’d like to go out. It’s been a pretty rough trip. I’ll let you know.
This week’s really busy for me. Maybe next week.
From experience, I know the conversation will fizzle out, leaving me wondering why she swiped right if there wasn’t a true intention to meet. I’ll never know the true answer.
In the meantime, I’ll just be over here waiting on a text back.
Have you had the same experience on dating apps? Tell me your story in the comments section!