Can I Get A Text Back?

You can use a cell phone to send a text back…

“Will she text me back?”

I spend a concerning amount of time each week asking my friends and family members this question. Every time I ask, they all have the same optimism and belief that I will get a text back because that’s how decent human beings behave.
Those days are gone, and it’s time for all of us to accept it. Out of 10 women I text that I match with on dating apps, I’m lucky if 3 respond to me. Then, of those remaining ladies, we typically exchange a few messages before I hear crickets. I either look desperate by following up my text with another one, or let it go and fade into the distance. If I’m feeling very lonely, which happens frequently, I usually send a “Hey, did you get my last message?” text knowing the likelihood of a response is around 2%.
Getting a text back from a woman seems like a harder challenge than asking Donald Trump to stay off Twitter for an hour. I know, you’re probably reading this and wondering, “Lauren, it’s not THAT hard to get a text back. Maybe you’re choosing the wrong women.” Naw, homie. I’ve been on dating apps for YEARS, and the outcome is the same: silence when shit gets real.
When I text with someone from a dating app and act noncommittal, rarely asking personal questions or seeming overly interested, it’s a breeze. Our conversation flows and I start feeling hope again. Maybe she is emotionally available. But there’s always a shift after I ask a few pointed questions:
  • Are you single?
  • Are you married?
  • Have you ever been with a woman?
  • Would you like to meet?
For me, these are important to ask so I can determine if we’re compatible right off the bat. Surprisingly, I’ve experienced quite a few text conversations coming to a halt after asking the first question. Just because you’re on a dating app doesn’t mean the person is single, even if there’s nothing to indicate otherwise in their profile. I’ve chatted with women who wait a while to tell me about their non-monogamous relationship. I’m not judging the choice, but since it’s important for me to find someone who believes in monogamy, I always kick-off a convo with that question.
Once I get past the other two questions and land on the topic of meeting, that’s where the most drop-off happens. I don’t get a text back, there’s some sort of excuse, or the response doesn’t have a clear action item. Here are a few recent responses:
  • Yes definitely down to hang, we should get snacks! I’m totally jammed this week so end of next week sometime.
  • I’ll come to you this weekend as soon as my mechanic okays my new car.
  • Yes! I’m down to meet sometimes I forget to check this app. I actually don’t usually know my schedule until a few days before the week starts so it’s hard for me to be specific planning further out. I’m off Wednesday and Thursday this week!
  • Let’s definitely hang this week.
  • I’m pretty open. This is my last week in town so I’d like to go out. It’s been a pretty rough trip. I’ll let you know.
  • This week’s really busy for me. Maybe next week.
From experience, I know the conversation will fizzle out, leaving me wondering why she swiped right if there wasn’t a true intention to meet. I’ll never know the true answer.
In the meantime, I’ll just be over here waiting on a text back.
Have you had the same experience on dating apps? Tell me your story in the comments section!

One thought on “Can I Get A Text Back?

  1. Yes I have! I’m not on dating apps to write books back n forth to strangers. Let’s meet n hang out n feel if there’s a real vibe face to face. You know like people! I found that a lot of people are using dating apps for entertainment at their fingertips and not necessarily to make meaningful connections or even hook up!

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